Why Does it Hurt?

Why does it hurt?


What a simple question often uttered through tears by a child who just hit something or a teenager who just experienced his/her first break-up. It is something in the mind of adults as we navigate the loss of friends, loved ones, relationships, animals, jobs and so much more. It's the the thing that keeps the doors closing on one thing or it is the thing that we use to slam that door, bolt it, barricade it and seal it shut while it, the hurt, still remains. So, why does it hurt?


Over the past few years, like many I suspect, I have had a child-like voice in my head pondering this question. I've had many conversations trying to navigate the ins and out of the emotional rollercoaster that is life. Most of us are similar in some fashion of wondering, questioning, accepting and growing through the joys and pains of this crazy thing we call life. In fact, I think on some level, we all have that conversation with that little person inside asking that question of our, well, self. How do you answer it? What is the real answer? Why does it matter in the first place? Through all the pondering and wondering I've come to the notion that the answer is actually really simple.


Because we care.




Every day, during the summer and spring, I look out my window and see the heart I cut into my lawn. It is my little reminder to myself that we are love. When everything is good or even decent the heart is in a good place. It shines and beats with relative ease. It is there for the world to see. The thing about the heart is that we don't display it like my backyard picture. No, it is what it is. We show it in our actions, in our words, in our moments and in, well, everything we do. Why? Because at our core we are, simply, love. I go back to the child-like voice in my head and the conversations we have more and more frequently. I think of what I say to him as I navigate the ups and downs of life. I look at the heart in the backyard and I answer his plea.


It doesn't matter if we hardened our heart from all the pain we been through...

It is still there.

If we build walls to protect it..

It is still there.

Doesn't matter if we cut it off from the world or filled the space with distractions...

It is still there.

No amount of numbing with drugs, drink or any other vice will change the fact...

It is still there.

No hate, be it outwardly towards others or inwardly to self, will stop it...

It is still there.

A ocean of tears will not wash it away, a volcanic eruption of anger will not melt it to oblivion, and no journey to the coldest, darkest part of the blackest hole will stop its light...

It is still there.


You see, we are love. Hurt is nothing more than a biproduct of what we are at our core. Life hurts because we feel it. We feel the energy of the world. We, like we were as children, romanticize the best of things in life. We allow our hope to add to the beauty and strength of our hearts. When we feel safe, secure and supported the love we have in our hearts grows. When we get a new best friend, a new love, a car or something we find celebration worthy or even just makes us smile,

it seems as if our hearts are adorned with our favorite things. In fact, we even celebrate it with declarations of what it is to know and have love. I think about when we celebrate someone's "glow" when they are loved, have love or are in love. It all reminds me of this well-trimmed heart with the yellow daisies filling it out. The foundation is strong with its deep green and the sprinkling of the vibrant yellow daisies, and yet, covering it, the heart, does not lose its form. It is, in my opinion, how most of us see love and see our hearts.


The truth is when we embrace it we fully embrace it because it feels good. But as anyone who has loved anything ever in life would tell you, there is another side of that good feeling. It is the time when we don't feel loved, when we have been let down by love (usually a person) or betrayed by our own hearts. What do I mean by "betrayed"? The simple connection to life is that we love without effort or any "rules" if you will. The heart doesn't live by rules. No, it does exactly what it is designed to do which is share and receive love. This means that we often give our hearts to those who can damage it most or those we don't think we should give it to. When we find ourselves on the negative side of the feel good we often feel betrayed by our heart. This is the time to let go and move on. That would be logical but the heart is anything but logical as we covet the feel good.




When we are hurting the heart gets beat up. It feels used, neglected and forgotten. We cry, we get angry, and we burn bridges in order to protect it. We often can't "move on" because the heart does not follow the rules. Why does it hurt? Because we are love. Because it isn't our power to stop the heart. We are nothing more than the ship on the deep ocean navigating the storm. The boat doesn't control the storm nor does it know it will survive. It is only there for the ride and hopes the crew can navigate the storm and in so they all survive. We, when it comes to our hearts, are nothing more than the boat. As I look at my rough looking heart in my yard (that destruction is thanks to the new puppy), I found myself thinking about all that stuff I just wrote. I think about why we get angry from the hurt. I think about why we can't let go of some people and yet we can others. I think about what it means to be infinitely connected to another being at such a level it defies basic logic and common sense. The fact is words, actions, assumptions, hopes, belief and a myriad of other things can leave the heart looking like the rough one here. Yet, even under all that roughness, the battle scars, the pain and the hurt, you can still see the heart in it. Why? Because we are love.


Before I go on I must share that I walked away from this blog for about two weeks. I don't like stopping in the middle of the message because passing time can affect the mind which can change a message. In this case, I wanted to take time to think about the rough and wounded heart. The damaged soul whose eyes no longer water because hurt just exists all the time. The lover who reaches for the touch he/she longs for only to grip and grasp the nothingness that has replaced the lover's presence. The person sitting with a dimmest light of hope as the coldness of the world continues to work tirelessly to blow out his/her flame. I wanted to think about the unsaid words, the unshared moments and the booming "I told you so" from deep within the soul of the damaged heart. I needed to think about those things (and much more) before I wrapped this up. Why? Because we are love. More importantly, our love is infinite which brings me to this last image and the true point of this blog.


There is no greater gift in the world than an open heart that connects with another soul. Life isn't about both hearts being open. No, it is about connection, empathy, sympathy and, yes, love. When we hurt it is because we connect. When we cry it is because we connect. When we are angry it is because we connect. Our love is infinite. It is not something to be feared or avoided. We can't avoid who we are. It is not something to be hidden away and stored like some old antique that would be sold at an auction long after we have passed. It is to be open, played with, shared, explored and enjoyed for every ounce it has because, like I said, love is infinite. We are love. No matter where you are in life right now take a step back and see how many wonderful souls have open hearts to you. How many people out there that are connecting to you in a variety of ways that don't seem like "love" but is nothing short of being exactly that. The world is love. The world is caring. The world doesn't need more of it because it is everywhere at all times. From the deepest of lows to the highest of highs it is there with you, with me, with them and with us too.


So I leave with this one more time..... You are love! Always. And that, is a beautiful thing. #LETME


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